limiting myself from who i really am or creating what i want..freedom of thought.. is that a good thing?

[Edit: it starts off with a poem, and it ends..with thoughts]
why does my mind drift everywhere
i feel as if i want to shout but i cant
why are some so brave to become independent
yet i feel like i am directionally lost
why am i running after immediate pleasures
I feel as if am I escaping from the reality that bites
why do i live in the now and not think about the tomorrow
i feel like i am distorted, stuck in time
why does some people get what they want, when they want it
i feel like i don't really get what i need or want, but a distorted version of it
why do butterflies have wings and they fly aimlessly at the sky looking for some colour so that they can live
i feel like i am a butterfly looking for colourful things and like the butterfly i in the end die
why does this pain take so long to go away
i feel as if i am going around in circles
why are my thoughts so fragmented
i feel like my life is too
why am i typing this poem that asks a question and
answers with a feeling
i feel like i don't want to break the chain that i have created
why, maybe i am a perfectionist
i feel like i want to create pieces that are meaningful and yet mysterious
why? just to gain attention?
yes, maybe i feel like i lack the attention
why? because i hardly get a chance to write something creative?
then what does this poem mean? that i have expressed something that isnt something
something that doesn't really make sense
i feel like all these are rhetorical questions that go around and around
will i always be asking and never answering or even wanting an answer?
freedom of thought, that is what i am doing now
just typing off the top of my head
just trying to be creative
why do i want to be creative?
i am typing faster and faster, not needing to think anymore
why? because i have somehow broken the perfect poem
and now
i am just trying to make it sound nice..
what is nice?
something that others will read?
do i really need others to read this?
can't i just keep it to myself?
i love writing questions don't i
i wonder if people will ever like this style of creative writing
i wonder if i will ever become an author of something
i really did wish that i would somehow be famous one day,
but famous in the sense that they know that a girl did this or that.. but that girl is a mystery
and noone knows who it is.. just that a girl by some pen name.. did/wrote/thought of/conjured this.
i wonder how i can become that...
[edit: to be famous but not really, but to be a mystery who is famous :P, maybe famous isnt the word, more like, to be known, to be part of history...]
i have realised that forcing oneself to become creative is very limiting.
but allowing the freedom of thought to just flow out like this and just type and type it.. is just.. bliss
[that isnt my word, yet i use it,.. cos i cannot think of any other word.. why am i afraid of using other people's words?]
"i was lost but now I am found, amazing grace how sweet the sound.."
*smiles* creative freedom of speech achieved, even though fragmented.
finally my mind can be slowly emptied, even a little...