Just thoughts~

Is there something going on in the church circles?
Or is it just me who is extremely traditional in thinking?
Me, who was never in that teenage church circle of "closeness" come in and looks at it with an outsider's point of view, thinking there is something with the relationships, seeing the results of some of them and also falling into it myself..
Me, who was bought up stingy and seeing the "rich" people in the church as materialistic..
Being bought up in a non-xtian family and with not much proper church contact or consistency of people being around me can cause me to have many judgments on people and also be skeptical of trusting people..or myself..
As a type six, i view the world as a dangerous place hehe..
I had wanted to type up many theories for a long time, just didn't know where to begin, so many thoughts clouding my head and wanting to write it in a way that didn't make people feel bad/offended..
I guess the best way is to be cryptic.. and only those who know me and what i am on about will know the true meaning..
And I suppose I myself know the deepest of those mysteries.. :P
But as you can see, I am starting to not have the ability to keep thoughts only to myself..
Is it because of my emotional nature and how I/it have/has been changed by many things?
I have met so many out there who have deeper crypticsm than me, and i feel the same as them yet at the same time i feel frustrated at not being able to let it out.., seeing them is seeing me in a more extreme version..
yes i often do not know how to express myself, and i am learning, i do feel like i have lost my language skills or never learnt how to use them properly because of my stuffed up childhood learning experiences..
Sometimes i may appear to know what i am talking about, but that is not the case..
Ahh how I love the language in my friend's blog, oh so metaphorical, filled with analogies, only able to be deciphered by herself and those close to her.. it is wonderful :P
Am i delusional? lol, as a child, i had a few silly careers i wanted to be..
One was a pet store, so that i could have pets with out really having them hahaha
Another was a stationery store, so that i could have the coolest stationery whenever i wanted :P
and the last was to be a writer, because in my junior high school years i had read many books..
But all these are just dreams, do you think i could be a writer with such limited skills and fragments of thoughts? that is what i think my thoughts are like on the screen, fragments..
But maybe, maybe some people love to read this sort of stuff, i think.. hehe..
In my dreams...
A friend said to me once that dreams may forever only stay as dreams, i have thought about this sometimes and convinced myself about my unrealistic thoughts/ideals..
It is a very interesting thought, that sometimes dreams are pleasant because they will never come true and to be in the dream/experiencing it, you are paused in space for that moment of time thinking about whatever..